roses r red.... violets r blue...

i love you and hate you too.

so today i had a really nice piece booked in. she came in a while back.... well, it seems like it's been ages actually.... and just wanted 3 roses on her hip. nice n non fussy. just the way i like them!

ties in with this which i drew last week-ish and forgot to post....

in other non work related news, i went to see Lars' new Oi! band play last night....

Booze n Glory were supporting, and i highly recommend u check 'em out....

nothing says "i'm punk rock" like matching shoes as far as i'm concerned....

ended up telling this guy his jacket looked like Hellraisers condom. he wasn't impressed....... at all.

so after the gig, i donned a monkey suit and carried on drinking.

i also got to pose with a Banjo. pretty rad.

blah blah blah

so finished off the please please please morrissey tattoo today. if u dont remember... here's the 1st session CLICK! amazing how it's even more fitting now than when i posted the 1st session. it's ok though, i've come to realise wishful thinking is just a retarded default setting for people who haven't lived enough.

short n sweet.

adieu

til the cows come home.

so, 1st up, here's a sketch i did today....

i would very much like to tattoo this, so anyone who knows their serial killers, and is keen.... get in touch! :)

in other news, went to go see Strung Out at the Underworld. I don't think i've ever actually seen them before, but growing up with a lot of  Fat Wreck bands, they were always around, so was good to go.

The bassist ... wow. 

(long story)

anyways, i didn't have a camera, so phone pic it is....

here's a video from when they were much better than last night!

so before the gig, Will popped in for a quick bit o' filler. I've had a LOT of free time at work of late, so it was good to do something fun.

'fuck your positivity'.... in case u were wondering, although i can think or a few other things positivity could replace and still be very fitting.

will's missus swung by bearing gifts.... these.... which are AMAZINGLY AWESOME

it's coz of my old man photography thing.... if u were wondering.

she also brought a pink cowsuit onsie for me. as soon as i found out these were cheap and very readily available, i asked her to grab me one. i was planning on going to the zoo with a mate for a photo op, but instead decided to wear it to the pub.... and the gig.... and all the way home.

and here ends my incessant irritating publication of my life. 

til next time.

mondays are my fridays....

so on Monday, i had 2 cancellations at work resulting in me doing an awful lot of thumb twiddling. i can in fact categorically say I'm a thumb twiddling expert now.

anyways, lucky for me, Pieman and Hanna aka my bitch needed somewhere to drop off hana's suitcase so she didnt have to lug it round with her all day. Flamin 8 worked out like as good a place as any to leave a bag that may or may not have contained a human body. So seeing as i was thumb twiddled out for the day, we buggered off down the pub. (we in fact did a semi sort of pub crawl, which included absolutely no drinking.... went like this

pub 1: "are u serving food?"
            'no, not til 6'
           "bumhole"
pub 2:  "are u serving food?"

            'no, not til 6'

            "hmph"

pub 3:  "are u serving food?"

            'no, not til 6'

            "oh my god you serve TAYTO'S!!!!!!!!!"

so we stayed. It was the Eagle. I like the Eagle, and the barmaid always treats me like a long lost friend. So much so in fact that this time, she decided to get her phone out and start showing me some texts she'd been recieving from the last barman she sacked. it read:

"i have put a woodoo (guessing they meant voodoo) curse on you, you fat ugly bulldog"

wow, not only is he a master at woodoo, but used bulldog as a derogatory term?! i like bulldogs. what a knob.

they also have a policy during happy hour where if u roll a double (they provide the die, and a lovely little suede lined tray to roll said die onto) you get a free drink. Pieman sucks at rolling doubles.

So we sat outside with the drinks that we had paid for, seeing as Pieman sucks at rolling doubles n all, and we didn't get any free drinks, coz Pieman sucks at rolling doubles don't ya know......

and we found a lil' friend. Hana wanted to feed him salt and vinegar Tayto's.... i didn't think they were good sustenance for our new found friend.... seeing as he was a mouse n all. Dry roasted peanuts seemed to do the trick though.

I have internally named him "marshal" marshal the mouse. i probably shouldn't have named him or become so attached, coz after about 4 peanute he never came back out, and i have a funny feeling that the salt content on dry roasted peanuts isn't amazingly good for a lil' itty bitty mouse named marshal's internal organs.........god i hope he's ok.

so 6 came and went, and we ordered a veritable feast....

there was chicken satay ... but me n Hana seem to have a same level appreciation for meat on a stick, so they went before i had time to get photographic evidence....

the sesame toast had some weird stuff hidden under the sesame....conversation went :

me"what's this gooey shit?"

hana:"prawn i think, but it doesnt taste too much like prawn so it's ok"

me: "shit, i'm allergic to prawns"(i'd already eaten half of it)

hana and simon pull faces of impending doom and go "really?!"

me: "no"

hana's 'this is amazing' face is one of the best i've encountered to date....

i didn't come close to finishing my meal, and got a right bollocking from the waitress, so i did what any self respecting adult would do, and faked crying until she stopped. it worked pretty well. y'all should try it.

So after our feed, we headed to the Dev for a cheese n pickle punk night. I'm not gonna lie, i was tempted to reenact the ball saga again, but .... well.... couldn't be arsed.

i did get to try out my new penknife....

I've now been dubbed 'julia "fight the power" seizure'

i'm so ok with that.

outside the Dev, i spotted an awesome old man to photograph... and my word am i glad i took the time out to ask for his photo....

best shirt ever. but wait..... it gets better.....

much

much

much

better.......

look 

at 

what

he 

was

holding!

only a bag full of hand made "bottom spanker" inscribed spanking paddles.

so of course, i tried one out.....

look at that stance, i'm a natural...

i've come to realise i approach spanking similar to how i approach bowling.... good stance and a good smooth follow through. when all else fails, brute force comes in handy too.

i think the violence just pregressed from that point, and we ended up in a massive bar brawl. luckily it happened in slow motion so we were able to get some good photos for the cops....

anyways, hana had to catch a bus back to scotland, so we nipped back to the shop. luckily, kentish town n camden are pretty close to one another....

got a lil' spun out by a dude hanging round the shop walking around at a snails pace.... couldnt lock the door behind us quick enough. when we came out, he was still there.... sat in his car.... being all pervy. see, a man with handmade spanking paddles, not pervy... for god's sake, i took his e mail.... but a man who moves slow and sits in his own car..... no...... don't trust him.

right, customer arrives, suppose i'd better get to work! 

til next time..... go lamb slapping.

i wish morrissey was right, and everyday was like sunday

so, yesterday was a kick ass day. started off waking up, having muesli (shoulda had coco pops being a sunday n all, but running out to the shop 1st thing on a sunday would kinda defeat the whole 'day of rest' thing.....)

had no plans for the whole day, and was in 2 minds whether that was awesome or just meant i had no friends..... the weather was beautiful, and i wanted to go out for a skate, but milo was basking,

and i didn't know whether to walk him, then skate, or go skate, then walk him..... so i did both at the same time. i took him skating.

theres a university next to my gaff, so sundays it's dead, so i can let milo run about care free, no people, no traffic. it was awesome. so while skating i started getting messages from the friends i wasn't sure i really had with plans for gigs/roasts/parks and such. 

roast sounded swell, so headed into camden to meet up with pieman and some lass (who i now know as hannah/my bitch) down from the land of scots. we hit it off pretty awesomely, and i think she came this (i am currently holding my forefinger and thumb millimetres apart) close to stealing milo.

took a while for me to scout out a dog friendly pub that was still serving roasts late in the day, and we ended up in the Crown n Goose.... or Goose n Crown.... who cares. anyways, i'm not even sure if it is technically 'dog friendly' coz i walked in and went "do u guys allow dogs inside?" busy busy angry at life in general barman goes 'depends on the dog' so i hold up milo, and barman goes 'pfffffff whatever'. i took that as a "yes, we would love you to come in, bring your friends, order drinks, eat food and tip us better than we deserve coz none of you have the correct change". so thats exactly what i did.

she couldn't believe milo could eat huge chunks of beef in the space of 2 seconds.... he got a lot of leftovers. kinda went like this....

"ok i'm gonna give him some beef".....

milo gobbles

laughter

"ok ok i'm gonna give him more beef"

milo gobbles 

laughter

"didnt even touch the sides!"

"ok who's got more leftovers?"

"ok lets give him some chicken"

milo gobbles

hysterical laughter.....

and on 

and

on

afterwards, my buddy mike came down with his dog, tony... there was a bit of a ned kelly style stand off to start with... it was kinda epic. coulda heard a pin drop, let alone a massive english bull terrier barking incessantly at my chihuahua.

outside the pub, a man stopped me as i walked by and asked if he could give milo some lamb. went like this...

man:can i give your dog some lamb?

me: ok, but he's....

man dangles lamb over my dog, then proceeds to slap my dogs back with dripping rank leftover lamb

me *thinking* what the fuck is going on?!

at some point, milo got the lamb, gobbled it....

man"more lamb"

me"no, he's...."

man gets more lamb, slaps dog, feeds dog.

weird.

so "lamb slapper" is my new favourite insult.

hannah has a sock thing, where she swaps one of her socks with strangers with cool socks. she might be on board with my old man photography quest now too. good stuff.

speaking of which, look at what i found the other day! i might just set up camp outside...

yup.

and lastly, what would a sunday be without me trawling through my local thrift shops? i'll tell ya what it would be...... crap.

so here's what i bought...

i'm hoping this works, it seems to have a bit of an issue with the loading mechanism for film, but i havent tried yet... just had a poke around. i think i still have some awesome lomo film i got in hong kong, and i reckon i'd get some pretty kick ass shots on this.... *fingers crossed*

and i got this....

it will go nicely with my afro comb i think. 

but in all seriousness, how the fuck are u supposed to use those knives and forks?! am i missing something..... coz i was always under the impression you tend to use them simultaneously. who knows. maybe i'm wrong.

what's in a name?

so, here's a fun cover up i did today.... I'll post the 'after pic' first, so anyone glancing at my blog doesn't mistakenly think i did the 'before'.....

and here's what i was dealing with.....

yup. drunken mistake right there y'all. 

anyways, in other news, went to go see Kunt and the gang play at the 12 bar last night. T'was a good night. I'm sure he's quite the acquired taste, but seemed everyone there enjoyed it.

tattoo, weird people, my life

so, now i got all my gig posts well and trully outta the way, best get on with educating you lovely readers about the rest of my life and what i've been getting up to (aside from photographing old men... which is going immensely well, thanks for asking. what's that? u didn't ask?! well maybe you should have.)

so, first up, the latest session on Chris' torture garden sleeve....

added the detail on the dress, her hair, the colour in the parasol, the sky, and a fair amount round the back too.... still really enjoying this one, good times.

in other news, i noticed these 2 gems of human society on the SAME TRAIN the other day, and couldn't not get proof.

i dont care what u say..... that takes BALLS.

this guy was sat next to me reading a homemade book (genius or insanity.... i'll go with genius.) he'd cut print out's out and stuck them into a photo album. i think my favourite part was the fact he'd then gone in with a biro to make adjustments. amazing. what a legend.

in other news, yesterday i became a temporary hobo. Ross was collecting all his worldly possessions from my flat, and i had to be out from 9am til 9pm. it was a VERY long day. 

so took Milo out for an epically long walk. scouring the surrounding streets, car parks and parks for places i might wanna go skating at. I also spotted this gem....

annoyingly, the shop didnt open on sundays, as i didnt get up early enough today to run out and get it before work, so tomorrow *fingers crossed* it'll still be there, and become MINE.

also spotted this, which is worrying to say the least...

his t shirt reads "drink til she's cute"

he's drinking in the photo

the last line on this "appeal" reads "PLEASE DO NOT APPROACH THIS MAN ALONE (IF YOU'RE FEMALE)"

wow, some people should just stay missing as far as i'm concerned.

so after i had milked all the enjoyment out of the area i reside in, i headed into town. First port of call was my favourite comic shop. i figured i could at least kill a few hours there. This would have been an immensely successful plan.... if the shop was open. it wasnt. (just in case there was some confusion)

So then i wandered around, noting to self nothing was open. sundays in england are gay. 

so i found a nice doorway, and sat in it for about an hour. (i did say NICE doorway), so it wasn't all bad.

So once the rain had died down, i headed to a shop where a friend works on sundays.... and on the way i thought "wouldnt it be nice of me to buy her a bacon sandwich". so i did. i was feeling in a nice mood.

that is, until a weird man in the bacon sandwich shop decided to talk to me.... it went like this:

man : did those tattoos on your neck hurt?

me : yes

man : they are very beautiful...

me : thank you

man : i'd like to kiss them, can i kiss them?

me : no thanks (why i said 'thanks' is beyond me, but like i said, i was feeling nice)

man : no kisses?

me : no kisses.

man : ok, well next time i see you i will grab you! don't say i didn't warn you!

*at this point i pay for my sandwich's and leave the shop*

man *who at this point is screaming down the road at me* : i will grab you!!! I WILL GRAB YOU!!! DON'T SAY I DID'T WARN YOU!!!

so, needless to say, the madness had begun. my friend wasn't at the shop yet, so i found a nice piece of pavement sheltered from the rain and ate my sandwich. luckily by this point, i got a message from some friends heading into town asking if i wanted cocktails. of course i wanted cocktails. what a silly question.

so i still had some time to kill, and i had to buy some belated birthday presents for one of my cocktail companions. he likes cats. i got him these.....

i suggested he use the notebook as a tally of all the kittens who die from this point on due to his self gratifying genital rubbing. he didn't seem to think it was such a good idea.

so anyways, during my cat memorabilia mission, i also had the unlucky occurrence of getting accosted my a 'lucky heather pikey' . i ran through a covered overpass full of shops, safe in the knowledge that lucky heather pikeys couldn't go indoors. i was wrong. maybe it was the choice of "indoors".... maybe if it was an actual building (as oppsed to a corridor, basically) my pikey aversion knowledge would have held up. i'm not sure, and i'm sure as hell not gonna go looking one to try it out.

so, i met my mates in a cool shop where i found this.... 

went to the pub where i attempted to eat this...

i dont think i even managed a third. i tried. 

and then we drank these.....

that was our attempt at a black flag photo op. it didnt work too well.

i stopped taking photos after that point (except of old men of course.....)

giggidy giggidy giggage

so, i've been going to a lot of awesome gigs, and havent posted much about them, and seeing as the photos are swamping my camera and phone memory, guess i better get 'em out there into the world wide web.

so 1st up, the pictures from hop farm i haven't already posted.....

these guys were parked next to us. i think it was the coolest "camper van" there. fuck yeah, a pick up with some tarpaulin and some sticks. i am so at that point in life where i wish i could just live in one of these. hassle free, roaming around, like a punk rock hobo. live would be so much more simple.

these guys on the other hand seemed to be prepared for some sort of epic safari. i'm pretty sure they were sorely disapointed with the lack of wildlife there. i think the only animals around were the drunken louts ... myself included.

this camper van clearly belonged to the perfect couple, inside were 2 wine glasses, 2 tea cups, 2 of everything all neatly arranged and immaculately kept. as adorable as it was, it was kinda sickening, for 2 reasons 

a) happy couples really exist

b) these people are living in some sort of deluded existence where if u act like a happy couple, then u will be.

either that or it belonged to a guy who was really hoping to get laid and thought that kinda shit would impress a chick.

gotta love the teepee too. 

as you can see, the crowd varied from yuppie on a day off to Amish youth who wandered into the wrong field whilst checking on his harvest. i can totally imagine he was stood at the bar forever and a day, convinced that he could purchase sustenance with beans. Oh, and lets not dismiss the 1970"s throw back who lives his life in constant turmoil, writhing in the knowledge that the without the CIA, acid would have never become as mainstream as it did, therefore Jimmi Hendrix = unintentional by-product of a top secret government organisation.

poor guy.

this guy quickly became my new best friend and my hero. not only was he the bearer of alcoholic beverages, but he had a beard that rivalled life itself. no mean feat.

this is the only photo i took during lou reed's set, and as u can tell, photographing lou wasn't my number 1 incentive for whipping out my camera.

i have no idea who this guy is, but i can tell from the order of photos on my memory card that this was well and trully after the festival had ended, and on my way to the exit. i'm guessing i must have accosted him for the simple reason he had a MONKEY HAT on. 

yup.

so that's the Hop Farm all blogged out.

Last week i managed to get on the cheap and cheeful guestlist to go see none other than the US Bombs. Amazing.

Bumped into Duane as soon as i got off the bus on my way to the pub to meet my peeps.

The gig was awesome, obviously.

But maybe the best part was chatting to Duane after the gig at my mates house. 

We got along pretty swimmingly, he said i have "an old soul" i said he was "old" (just kidding, i'd never tell Duane he was old)

i was also very very very impressed to find he was a Morrissey fan. All the best ones are. true story.

legend.