Wednesday, August 31, 2011

honey! i'm home!

so..... what an awesome weekend i just had. miss hana came down from glasgow to enjoy the benefits of the life of julia. so, where do i start? wow..... it was so epic, i'm not sure i can even begin to put it into words. i'll try. here goes......

first up, she made me an awesome card on the hillbilly bus down (she managed this whilst getting teeth spat onto her lap by a drug riddled rasta) if that aint multi tasking, i dunno what is....

anyone not sure what this is in reference to.... please click HERE!

she also got me STATIONARY! (anyone who vaguely knows me knows i would have an affair with stationary if paper cuts weren't so prevalent and unavoidable)

here's the lovely gift giver herself....

so we started off by mosying down to the Oxford where they do really really really good brie. (it's really good) 

we took a scenic stroll up to Tufnell Park, being careful crossing the roads, what with all the slow trees around.

then we rolled up to the Boston where the Peacocks were playing to show off some feathers. We were greeted by some atrocious dancing. If my mate mike ever posts the video he took of me re-enacting said dance moves in chronological order, i will most definitely share.

i dont think hana had quite comprehended what a machine my liver is, and struggled to keep up..... bless. 

on the way home after the gig, there was a dead guy on our train. i really really do think he was dead. 
(my hand says "i think he's dead").
i tell the truth.

oh, then in the shop near my gaff, some freak came and tried to impress us. it went a little something like this:
weird man "i'm booked in to get my face tattooed"
me n hana "uh huh *weird glance*
weird man: "yeah, i'm booked in with a shop in camden tomorrow"
me(in the most sarcastic possible tone EVER) "amaaaaazing"
weird man (missing the sarcasm in my bitter voice) "it IS amazing?! right?!"
me "not if u ever wanna get a job....."
weird man (raised voice, unimpressed with how unimpressed i am) "I GOT MONEY! I DON'T NEED A JOB!" *storms out of shop*

what a tool. 

oh and to top off a weird and wonderful (like a chicken in a bra) night.... we came to my front door to find this poor guy.... (hana, keep telling ur self he's fine... he was just having a moment... he's probably tucked up in bed drinking tea) speaking of tea, i took me all of 1 attempt to perfect tea for hana. i spent 5 years of my life trying to do the same for someone else. pffff. 

so the next day, i had to work, but hana was booked in mid afternoon so she wandered around camden buying butter dishes and admiring cuddling cats. then i did her perfect man. 
ok that sounds like i just fucked her boyfriend. 
i didnt......

woop woop. super awesome fun piece to do. i think it's a lucky facial hair charm.... coz in the days after we saw this guy.....

and this guy!

so after her tattoo, we went to Bo Dean's for some much needed sustenance. after getting a little lost/giving her a very insightful view of soho..... we made it.

if u havent noticed, we have to pull "this is amazing" faces with each amazing meal. which in turn, was EVERY SINGLE MEAL FOR THREE DAYS STRAIGHT! oh, that wasn't meant to be in caps, just, i'm so fat from all the food my belly hit the button.

so then we had a birthday thing to go to.... we found a shop on the way that sells lucky charms and pop tarts. we had quite the dilema deciding what flavour of everything to buy. it was like sophie's choice. 
anyways, the birthday didn't happen, so we ended up getting a bus with the smelliest man i've ever encountered. (i think this is true, but i've had a few colds/blocked noses in my time, so i may be wrong...... don't sue me)
he proceeded to hang from the hand bars like a creepy pervy monkey whilst going "MMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmm' at us. god, if u'd seen his face u woulda thought he woulda taken us down an alley and we'd come back limping. it was really creeeeeepy. we actually got off the bus after putting up with it for 15mins and walked.

oh god, on the bus, we overheard the best conversation ever.....
so i'll put it into context, a bunch of chavs and a midget in heels are discussing chat up lines for a guy to try and pull the chick he's after.

guy goes:" i think i'm gonna say....'i'm like a landmine. when i see you, i go BOOM!'....... *thinks* or is grenade better?"

BHAHAHAHAHA(mas) *inside joke*

anyways, i think i photographed 1 too many old men that day, and my phone ran outta batteries... which is why there is no video/photographic evidence of what happened that night.... but i've already stated "i tell the truth" so u should trust me.

we were walking up my street when all of a sudden, we saw a man walking along on stilts. (olympic games standard..... to clarify..... not 2 shitty sticks)
we're all like "wow ... weird..... i wonder if he can run in them"
then we start shouting 'run forest! run!'

then, as an answer to our queries like an angel sent from heaven.... a bunch of chavs start chasing him up the street, throwing bits of kebab at him.

the answer to our question is "yes"
he could run.

so, the next morning we were both up and rearing to go because we knew full well what kinda breakfast we had instore.

it's not for any breakfast i'd post a 'post-shower pre-face' photo....
y'all should feel blessed

so then i took hana some of my favourite thrift stores n stuff. 
i found a lot of awesome stuff....

"a popular history of whichcraft" circa 1937

adorable acorn soup bowls...
(that kick ass monkey lighter is from the same shop) a friend bought it for me last wednesday. 

these awesome glass jars were only 1 pound each! same goes for the shot glasses. crazy i tell ya, utter madness.

then we went to camden, 
had the most epic roast ever, with a barman serving us who almost put the bassist from the peacocks nose to shame, and u dont know what i'm talking about, but it MEANS something!
*hot flush*

the people on the table next to us took quite the shining (not like the movie, they didnt kill) to milo.

i talked about aztecs, accordions, harmonicas, chihuahuas, tattoos and other good stuff with them. 

so onto camden, where we went shopping for more awesome shit. i visited my favourite taxidermy shop. its always a bad idea, coz i always wanna buy everything. luckily my flat is small but perfectly formed... a little like my ......... (hana u finish that sentence) so i wasn't tempted to attempt fitting the bear into my living quarters. i didnt buy anything, but had my eye on a little dude.... more on him later.

we did buy socks. awesome socks. i bought 2 pairs, hana bought 2 pairs, we swapped 2 each.... this sounds like a maths question.

blow job china men socks. i dont have 4 feet. hana spooned me. al overdrive took a photo of our socks and within the space of about 2 mins, he'd had like 68 ppl check our socks. i posted a photo on facebook and got.... i dunno.... 4 "likes". al must have a lot of groupies. 

amazing.... right?!

oh, i also found my perfect man in camden. he aint going nowhere..... 

so after the sock purchasing, statue posing.... as if by magic, we saw a DOUBLE RAINBOW!!!!

me n hana tried making our own epic double rainbow video.... we didnt do too well. 
but as proof, here's a photo...

double rainbow.... all the way..... so intense.....

too fucking funny.

next day, 

we woke up, had another awesome breakfast, made a double rainbow video in my lucky charms cereal bowl, and played girly monopoly.....

she wooped my skateboard arse.

took hana to the diner, coz she was a corn dog virgin. looking at the photo, i'm not sure i believe her.... although i can think of other reasons this looks so goddam natural....

corn. corn on the cob you perverts. jesus, she's a hillbilly.

we also had some "hard shakes" they rocked. i like alcohol. i like ice cream. i like alcohol and ice cream very much.

then i went back to the taxidermy shop and bought monty. i couldn't not. he's awesome. 

got this too.... an old doctors bag

and these..... in a second hand store. they feel worn in but they look brand new. 

on the train home, we heard the driver make this announcement
"this is your driver speaking. to the person who keeps swinging your baby out of the train doors......... you're an idiot."

what an awesome driver.

dickhead dad waited til the end of the line to go have a go at him. 

anyways, thats pretty much it....

oh, and i bought hana these awesome allsorts. (the tin is awesome....... so awesome)

ok lastly (and i've left these til last coz i'm sure y'all aren't interested, but i know hanas gonna want these.....

~(we realised the mirror in the monopoly box makes u look spastic)

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